Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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