When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
