just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
