I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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