and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
