Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
