If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
