yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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