My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
