i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
