i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
