if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
