I just pynch a tree in the face
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
