my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So much rum. So many feels.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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