Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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