Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
