I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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