I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
