It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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