I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
