Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
