so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
