You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
