well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
