pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
