I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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