after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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