Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
