would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
