I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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