did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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