I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
