My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize