It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
