if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
