I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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