so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
