i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
