Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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