We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize