I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
