margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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