My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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