I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
