Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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