Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
