I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is it penis luge time yet?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
