Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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