i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
