dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
