Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize