I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
