dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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