Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
