You just made me feel so damn special
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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