your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
