All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
