Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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