Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
my poor anus
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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