I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
