Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
