I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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