Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I faked an abortion last night.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
