your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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