I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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