If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You may now shotgun with the bride
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
