i just had sex bonerless
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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