We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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