Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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