Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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