the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
