I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They have beer where we have blood.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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