Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
