please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
