worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
