Please, let me fuck your mom
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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