she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
