Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
